This foster adoption class has been an interesting sociological experiment for me. My circle of life is fairly small and contact with the larger culture is fairly limited to extended family. My friends are all people who for the most part think similarly to me. For the last 8 weeks I have gotten to know the families in our class and several times my "lack" of career has come up. When they ask me what I did during the day and I respond that I supervised my children's school work, and spent the afternoon running errands they look at me with envy. Two woman came right out and admitted that they wished they too could be at home. Its just not possible they told me with longing. Another working mom commented on how pressured she always feels because her house is never clean the way she would like.
This morning I noticed a headline from Newsweek tittled, "Why the Recession May Be Good For Families." Job insecurities are changing traditional family roles for the better. The author starts off bemoaning that because of job insecurities many working moms will lie about their children's doctors appointments and tell their bosses that it is themselves who are sick. The article claims that "women are about to hold more than 50 percent of jobs for the first time, in part because men have been hit harder by layoffs. And yet women still shoulder the bulk of child-care responsibilities because of retrograde family roles, school-event schedules, and employers' attitudes. All of which can force an otherwise honest woman to fib." This is a classic example of having two masters; the family and the second husband. What to do, perform for the job or take care of the family? If you choose the family then you must lie to the other. (side note, I laughed when I saw the wording an otherwise honest woman. You are either honest or not, that character trait is not dependant upon circumstances. )
The article continues, " Women's salaries are now critical to the well-being of more than 40 percent of American families, and so men must do better on the home front, doing the dishes, yes, but also planning the dinner that precedes them." This is a ridiculously perpetuated myth. Not all woman have to work. These families have made a lifestyle decision that clearly says that new cars, big house, and expensive vacations are more important their families. The author proclaims, "I hope this will lead us past the mommy wars and to the parent wars," says Stephanie Coontz, a professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash. "We need to get away from the idea that one person has to do all the parenting." We might also want to abandon the notion that attending every single school event is pivotal to our children's happiness. What if I told my 9-year-old that, much as I would love to attend her class holiday party, I have to work instead? She would be upset—I would be upset—and then we would get over it. I can't imagine it would come up in future psychotherapy sessions."
It is exactly those types of choices - to work or to attend something that is important to your child that will send her to the therapist! Can you imagine continually sending the signal to a child that they are not important to you. It won't be because the family is struggling to put food on the table or because their housing is jeopardized it will be because you needed those new boots and that vacation to Florida. The one where they hired a nanny so they would not actually have to take their children on the rides themselves. Our society believes that children are accessories. Take them out, dress them up and when you are tired send them away. Whatever you do, don't let it affect your work or your social life.
The original feminist agenda was to create "equality" in the work force. To break through that glass ceiling. Now that they have seemingly achieved their goal they don't like the consequences. Instead of realizing the error of their ways they are going to try and fix the consequences by taking on the home front and making men responsible for the home. For generations our society raised and educated intelligent capable people who generation after generations were more successful than their parents. This is no longer true. We are raising generations of people who lie when it is convenient, who sacrifice their children on the alter of materialism and put them on drugs because they can't be bothered to train them up in the way they should go. The effects of these decisions are especially seen on the men in our culture who are now more preoccupied with video games than with maturing before age 30 and propagating the next generation.
