Friday, November 25, 2005

Reclaiming Life

I have not written in so long. I suppose you could call it a sabatacle. I know it is slightly weird to take a sabatical from writting on a spot where you have only posted a couple times but my sabatical also included most other forms of writting, including my journal and letters.

So why did I need a sabatical you ask? Well, I was following the rule of "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!" To be completely honost I am not sure I can be all that nice even now, but I am going to give it a shot. I feel a need to reclaim this area of my life.

It has been a rough few months for me. I have been dealing with family situations including a death and major surgery. A strain between my husband and myself as a result of those situations, a teenager who is a sinner just like her parents, daily life stress, managing home, homeschooling two children, a major house remodeling, and a lovely case of depression (brought on by all the items listed before this one)that is anything but lovely to experience. Oh and did I mention in the middle of all of that I quit smoking.

It is easy to be in the middle of that mess and feel like all that exists is the mess. To get angry at the mess and feel judged because of the mess. To be isolated and alone with only the mess. But despite crying more in the last six months than I have cried in my entire life I am finally coming to the point of being thankfull for the mess. We don't grow on the mountain tops of our lives. We stagnate. So here I am growing. Learning to recognize that I have to much pride. That not only am I not perfect but that I will never be perfect. Learning to meet people where they are and not where I would like them to be. Learning that no matter how much I want something, sometimes I am not meant to have them. Hard lessons but in the end lessons that needed to be learned.