Tough Decisions

In the course of our children's lives we have had to make some tough choices in order to be true to our families values and beliefs. Having clearly defined our families ideals and priorities has helped to make those tough choices a little bit easier but they have never gotten easy.

Our relationship to God is the number one priority. When an opportunity presents itself to our family it is then placed within the framework of this priority. Does it interfere with our relationship to Christ? If an opportunity would mean that we would regularly be choosing an activity over church on Sunday morning than we simply can not do it. My son has never played soccer for the simple reason that the games were always on Sunday mornings. Activities can interfere with our relationship to Christ in ways other than missing church. Activities might promote values that undermine our christian walk and our relationship to Christ. We have chosen to not participate in our local baseball program because the values that they are promoting are not values we want our child to learn and because the men coaching are not men of character whom we wanted our son to model. We switched gymnastics coaches and gyms when we were told that our child's number one priority should be gymnastics.

Our family relationships are the second priority that we must protect. If our children or I are so busy with outside activities that our family is unable to spend time together then those activities are simply taking up too much of our time. One of the ways that we connect as a family is by having dinner together each night. While an occasional family member may be absent from this, someone routinely not participating would be cause for evaluation. Friday nights are protected at all costs. This is our movie and pizza night. Everyone looks forward to it and while the kids tend to like to invite people to our family night they do not like to miss it. Within a family there are numerous relationships to be nurtured and they all require effort and commitment. We can not transmit our values and beliefs to one another if we never talk to each other. We can not develop bonds to last a life time if we only see each other in passing in the hallway. Shared experiences are the glue that hold us together but the glue is only activated by time together. Outside relationships can also interfere with our family relationships. Anytime we place a relationship outside of the family over our relationships inside the family than our priorities need to be evaluated. That person may come and go but our family is forever.

Our third priority for our children is their education. Their school work take times. It is easy as a family who home schools to be too flexible with our time. If we decide to participate in an activity during the day then the children have to understand that their work still has to be done and most likely will cut into their evening. To many activities interfere with their school work which ultimately bounces into our family time. Activities that promote their education will take priority over activities that have no educational benefit. This helps to narrow the field of available options vying for the use of our time.

Everything else filters in somewhere under those three priorities so that when an opportunity presents itself we have a standard to look at and to utilize in evaluating. There never seems to be a shortage of choices. This last month we learned that the state gymnastics meet was going to fall on a weekend where we would be out of town for our family business. My husband and I talked and prayed and prayed and talked because we knew that this was important to our daughter and it is hard to disappoint our children when they have worked hard for something. We knew that this activity would be out of line with our families relationships and education. In order for her to participate she would have to stay with her grandparents, missing a week of school and she would be unable to travel with us for that week missing our families travel experience. We knew that the answer should be no and yet we wanted so much to not have to disappoint her. Missing the state meet meant that she would also be unable to participate in the national competition. We brought our daughter into the conversation wanting to hear her thoughts and heart. After some thought she told us that she did not want to compete without us there. She wanted to go to the show with us and she would be okay with missing state and nationals. I sent her coach a note letting her know that we would not be at state, gave my daughter a big hug and let her know how proud we were of her. She had exhibited a level of maturity now often seen in 13 year old girls.

A few days later I received a note from the coach. She had sought a dispensation for daughter and another girl on the team who were going to be unable to attend the state meet. It turned out that daughter was given permission to compete at nationals anyway. I can not tell you the joy I felt at getting to tell my daughter that although she had made a tough choice, she had made it with integrity and that God had given her the desire of her heart. As parents we were allowed a glimpse into the character of our daughter who has learned well what our values as a family are and has learned to make decisions for herself based on those beliefs.